When a child goes to study in another country, a parent's role changes. You move from organising their day to supporting them from a distance, and that is often harder for the parent than for the child. Fortunately, there is a lot you can do, from the months before departure to the first holidays home, that genuinely helps.
Before departure: build independence early
- Practise the everyday. Laundry, using a bank card, getting up with an alarm, packing a bag and, for university students, simple cooking and budgeting. Small skills make the first weeks far less stressful.
- Talk about expectations. Agree what success looks like in the first term. Settling in, making friends and keeping up is enough; top marks can come later.
- Know the people around them. Save the details of the houseparent or personal tutor, the international office and, for under-18s, the guardian. Our article on guardianship explains why boarders need one.
- Agree on money. Set a monthly allowance and what it should cover, and keep a separate emergency fund your child knows about and can reach quickly. Resist topping up every overspend: learning to budget is part of the education.
- Plan the first visit home. Knowing when they will next see the family makes goodbyes easier for everyone.
Finding the right rhythm of contact
Most families find that a regular, agreed call time works better than constant messaging. Türkiye is three hours ahead of the UK in winter and two hours ahead in summer, because UK clocks go back on the last Sunday of October and forward on the last Sunday of March. A call at 8pm in Istanbul in November is 5pm in the UK, which is often still a busy part of the day for a boarder.
Boarding schools usually have rules about phones, particularly during lessons, prep and at night, so ask the school what they are. In early calls, listen more than you advise. Homesick calls are common in the first weeks; children often feel better soon after hanging up, while the parent worries all evening. If every call is sad for weeks on end, though, talk to the school.
Share your own news too, not just questions. Hearing about ordinary family life, a sibling's football match or what is for dinner, keeps a child connected without pressure. And look after yourself: talk to other parents whose children study abroad, and keep busy. Children quickly pick up on a parent's anxiety.
Work with the school, not around it
The school's pastoral team, led in a boarding house by the houseparent, is there to look after your child day to day. Our article on pastoral care explains how this works. If you are worried, tell them early rather than trying to solve problems from a distance. Read reports, join parents' evenings online and keep the guardian informed. Make sure the school and the guardian always have your current phone numbers, and let them know when you are travelling.
At university the picture changes. Your child is an adult, and universities will usually not discuss their studies or wellbeing with parents without the student's consent. Talk with your child about naming you as an emergency contact, and about whether they would want you to be contacted in certain situations.
Signs that something may be wrong
- Withdrawing from friends or activities, or avoiding your calls.
- Changes in sleep, appetite or mood that last more than a couple of weeks.
- Falling grades or missed deadlines.
- Sudden or repeated requests for money without a clear explanation.
- Asking to come home in every conversation, well after the first half-term.
If you notice these, contact the houseparent, tutor or university wellbeing service, and if your child is a boarder, ask the guardian to visit. Remind your child that their GP is there for them too. In an emergency in the UK, the number to call is 999.
Holidays, visits and staying connected
Book flights for half-terms and holidays early, and check the exeat weekends in the school calendar so you know when your child will need somewhere to stay. When you visit, balance family time with letting your child show you their new life: their friends, their favourite places, their routine. Keep the Turkish language and family traditions alive too. Feeling connected to home does not hold children back abroad; it usually helps them settle.
How YES can help
We work with parents as well as students, in Turkish or English, and we are glad to talk through practical questions about guardianship, contact with the school and the first months away. If your child is preparing for a boarding school or a university abroad, write to us.
Questions families ask
How often should we call our child in the first weeks?
There is no perfect number, but a regular agreed time, for example a few calls a week, usually works better than constant messages. Ask the school about phone rules so that calls fit around the timetable.
Who do we contact if we are worried about our child at boarding school?
Start with the houseparent or tutor, who sees your child every day. The guardian can also visit, and the school will involve other staff, such as the nurse or counsellor, if needed.
Will the university tell us if our child is struggling?
Not automatically. Because university students are adults, universities usually need the student's consent to share information, so talk with your child about emergency contacts before term starts.
Sources and further reading
This article is general guidance, not legal or immigration advice. Rules change; always check the official sources before you apply.
